Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Persoalan.

Assalamualaikum.

Soalan-soalan ini ditanyakan pada aku pada suatu hari yang hening:

"Hai, bahagia nampak?"

"Boyfriend baru ke?"

"Apa cerita kau dengan yang dulu tu?"

"Macam mana boleh clash? Siapa yang buat hal?"

"Bila and macam mana boleh kenal dengan boyfriend baru ni?"

"Wah... dah maju kau sekarang eh?"


Kalau ini bentuk-bentuk soalan yang ingin kau tanyakan pada aku,

nasihat aku hanya satu:

Berhenti.

Unless korang nak tau how does it feel to be completely ignored, then silakan.

Sorry if I'm being rude.

Sebab sebelum ni pun, aku bahagia. 

Syukur Alhamdulillah, hidup aku lengkap serba serbi.

Dalam kesenangan kadang kala diuji, kerana aku adalah hamba-Nya.

Dan Dia telah menjanjikan yang seorang hamba itu takkan diuji melebihi kemampuannya.

Usah dilabel dengan "boyfriend baru".

Sebab aku bukannya tukar boyfriend macam tukar baju.

Jangan tanya aku apa yang terjadi antara aku dan dia yang dulu.

Sebab yang salahnya mungkin aku, mungkin juga dia. 

Tak perlu untuk aku membuka pekung di dada, tak perlu juga untuk aku membuka aib sesiapa.

Matikan cerita dengan ayat cliche, "Biarlah rahsia".

Aku tak mengerti.

Apa significant untuk kau mengetahui kisah aku dan dia.

Kerana aku bukan siapa-siapa.

Hanya seorang blogger picisan.

Dan...

"Maju".

...

Hello? Kau hidup zaman apa? Sebab manusia memang dah lama maju. 

Cuma sayangnya, dari segi akhlak dan adab, kita sememangnya semakin mundur. 

Maaf, tujuan post ini bukan untuk marah, bukan untuk sentap.

Hanya untuk menjawab persoalan mereka yang telah terlalu lama berlegar.

Maaf sekali lagi, kerana aku tak selesa membicarakan soal perasaan.

Doakan yang baik-baik sahaja harapnya.

Andai perubahan ini baik, biarkan aku. Andai ada khilafku, tegurlah dengan berhemah.

:)

Adios!


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

My Time of The Year.

Assalamualaikum.

I used to have plenty of reasons to dislike December.

The fact that I don't know since when, but it actually brings more tears than laughter, although there lies my birthday, a date that other people would jump up and down for when its theirs, but not me.

My birthday is a day to be forgotten.

The thing is, after a while, you're cool liddat. No longer waiting for your best friends to wish you in the middle of the night. No longer have to call them and say: " Hey, you've forgotten my birthday! But oh well never mind, let's just talk throughout the night!". No longer having to waste another day to fight with your boyfriend when there's another 364 days in a year to fight on.

Yup, after a while, doing all that feels weary, and I just stopped. Birthday calls will be wasted, but it never really mattered.

So usually, my birthday is a day where I just chill out with my family. A day where we ate cake together and have a family dinner.

That's how I go through 16th December every year.

And so, I was a little bit afraid of this year.

I'm celebrating my last 'teen' years, I'm in a new environment, I'm with new people, and yes, I'm afraid of what these changes would bring.

Which turns out to be a December to remember.

O' Allah.

I am forever thankful for everything.

For I am nothing but a slave of the Almighty.

I am thankful for the sorrows. I am thankful for the joy.

I am thankful for my parents, for they have raised me to be who I am.

Raising the only child they have, the only daughter (or maybe son), I think, wouldn't have been an easy task.

O' Allah.

I have been raised well, but I did wrong. I do not have the best qualities of a human, nor am I the most filial daughter to my parents.

But they are the only parents I have, and I pray that they are protected from the hellfire.

This December makes me appreciate them more, makes me remember that the older I grow, the more parts of me that they'd have to let go.

O' Allah.

I am forever thankful for the friends that stayed with me when I stand tall, and hold me closer when I fall. I am thankful for the happy memories we had together.

Despite that they forgotten about my birthday, it's fine. Because friendship isn't defined by the dates you remember; its by the strength of togetherness.

I am also thankful for those who walked away when I needed them most. They are nothing but lessons learnt, and may Allah protect them.

O' Allah.

I am forever thankful for a chance to dream. To dream my own dreams, and sharing dreams. Together.

And may those dreams forever be in Your favour.

O' Allah.

I love them, Lillahita'ala.
















Thank you for the wishes, thank you for the doa. Forever appreciated, forever loved. :')

Adios!


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Living in the clouds.

Assalamualaikum.

And hello everyone! Once again memunculkan diri setelah sekian lama menyepi. Maklumlah, virus malas makin menjadi-jadi. :P

Entah macam mana, datang pula hidayah nak tulis blog di petang yang hening ni. Dalam dingin hujan. Diiringi lagu daripada youtube. Eh kengkonon puitis pula.

It's already December. Coming towards the end of 2013.

Looking back, a lot have changed. But I can't really say how, or why. It just did. When I look at myself now and then... I stopped and took a deep breath.

Yes, change or no change, I'm still Nurul Syuhada Sulaiman.

It feels like time is moving way too fast forward.

And too many things happened, that I'm surprised I could keep track to most of them.

Graduated from asasi in April. Left UiTM Puncak Alam. Left my friends, my family and a piece of my heart there.

Then living life in agony. The boredom, the lifelessness.

Saved by an encounter. A lifetime chance that changed a lot of things. Meeting new people, sharing new experiences, feeling something awkward, something special. :)

MDS June 2013, left another piece of my heart at that moment, at that time and space.

Broke my heart as June ends. Put an end to what used to be a fairytale and moved on. Picked up the pieces and plastered it together again. Bowed to the audiences, expressed my gratitude, and walked away from the stage like a pro.

And I'm strong liddat.

Hyped on a new tune along my new journey, and it's been my favourite song since then.

If-you-know-what-I-mean.

And of course, reunions! From KL-Seremban-Shah Alam-Puncak Alam, chasing memories, one after another. Missing them more after every meet-up. Painfully wishing that I wasn't so far away from them everyday.

Do keep me in your memories.

It's December now. The month I dreaded most. But who knows, maybe this year will be different. Maybe it's time to believe that this December will be 'My December'.

"I hope I can make this December becomes your December."

:)

Now living the life that I wished for. The dream that I once thought will forever be a dream. The thick books, the stressful conversations. And I realized, I've only just started.

Still got a long way to go, an uneven path to walk on, a scary scenery, and what hopefully will be a beautiful destination. InsyaAllah.

So someone please slap me in the face because I should be studying for EOM next week and finals this coming January.

"Because behind the dark is just another mystery waiting to be solved."

Adios!